When I was becoming a young man, my adopted father told me. “You’re going to return to your people one day and do something important”. This thought has been with me since I was seven years old. This summer, I will be closer to sixty.
I believe I have finally given up being a productive tribal member. Ensuring tribal membership is the pinnacle motivation for all we do on the reservation.
I held on to this long for my Father Wilsey. The motivator that inspired me to be a tribal member and an American Indian. It makes me sad, and somewhat a feeling of failure, it is over.
Today, I saw a question about one thing I stopped. And life got better.
After my latest rejection for the “best quality of life”, through employment and promotion. Reality finally found its place with me.
I need to STOP fighting for tribal membership and their rights to anything.
It is saddening. A few weeks ago, I realized this fight for the best “quality of life” on the reservation had utterly failed. I, as a tribal member, felt this deeply.
As a former tribal leader, I aimed to keep tribal members at the forefront of ALL tribal governments’ prosperity. It was the best opportunity that tribal members had to make a success of life on the reservation.
I know, now, I have to stop believing that I was a tribal member, and it meant something.
The Gaming Commission turned me down with a nasty and threatening letter for a prime quality-of-life job. I was disqualified over a modified job description. These changes happen frequently with me. When leaders and administrators know I may get the job, they change the rules. Then I respond poorly. They criminalize my grief because I was crying drunk about losing employment to the “white man”.
Again!
30 years later…I have realized something important. Trying to be a sovereign tribal member is not worth the effort. It is also not worth the life experience.
I am writing today to ask for your support. Please consider purchasing my book. I am publishing it about how life has turned out for me, mainly in Indian Gaming. I expect to accomplish this this summer.
Two major federal laws are directly attributed to these results. They are the Indian Child Welfare Act of 1978 and the Indian Gaming Regulatory Act of 1988.
I am not trying to condemn anyone or the system. I survived a lot of things. Now, I witness many being successful in many things. I fought to belong to the tribal members’ quality of life fulfillment.
Being a tribal member is just a grant number and not worth much here.
I feel better understanding that I made the wrong choice in life. Being a real tribal member was not the right choice.
Dad Wilsey would understand, but remind me, I did accomplish a lot as a tribal member.
In the end, I feel like I am letting him down. I am not being the tribal member he thought I was.
